Coping with Stress

               ~*~STRESS~*~

Men’s real feelings get lost in the scramble of stress and women are more likely to take an eraser to the problem.  Stressed women know it, live it and spend time trying to do something about it.  In the wake of new survey results released this week, numbers support the stereotype that women are more aware of feeling than men.  The American Psychological Association’s annual Stress in America survey finds that women historically have reported higher levels of stress than men and did so again in 2011.  On a 1-to scale of little to no stress, women report stress at a level of 5.4 and men at a 4.8.  The gender divide is more pronounced when it comes to dealing with the stress or even wanting to own up to it. 

Stress happens when people perceive that the demands they face, work, school or relationships and then exceeds their ability to cope say experts with the psychological association.  At times, some stress can be beneficial because it gives your body a boost of energy that can drive you to get through tough situations such as exams or work deadlines.  On the other hand, an extreme amount of stress can be harmful to your health by taking an emotional toll on you, result in anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, high blood pressure and a weakened immune system.  Stress can also contribute to the development of major illnesses such as heart disease, depression and obesity. 

Women think it is more important to manage stress and believe that they are not doing a good job of it, but men report being less concerned about managing stress and are also more likely to say they are doing enough about it.  Social support is very beneficial to cardiovascular health and longevity.  It is possible that women just have more stress in their lives, in terms of certain societal issues such as gender discrimination, sexual abuse and traumas.  Women as a result tend to use more stress reducers such as reading, exercising or spending time with friends and family. 

Exercise reduces feelings of anxiety and tension and can minimize future stress.  The exercise needs to be higher intensity or long duration to have a beneficial effect on later stressors. 

Take a break-you can’t avoid the stressor, but you can momentarily get away from that project at work, the crying baby or that mountain of bills.  Even just a 15 minute break helps to give you a new perspective.

Get social support-sharing your feelings with another person who will just listen is another reliever of stress.  Don’t share those concerns with someone who adds to the stress.  The person you talk to needs to be someone you trust and who understands you and can validate you.

Trying to keep thinking positive even during stressful times helps to relieve some effects of stress.  Remember that there is simply things that we cannot change.    

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr

Who do you turn to?????

It has been over two and half years since my son's first medical diagnosis of Autism, and not much has changed for the little dude.  His speech has improved, thankfully and he will tolerate playing with other children and frequently will seek interaction with his sisters.  Sad fact is that there is NO-ONE who reached out to help your child, when he is special needs.  Especially those children with Autism.  Still so many people treat us mothers as if we mess up in some way.  The help is supposedly out there, but by golly she is hard to come by. 
It is like this....
here is your diagnosis....have a nice day.
Newbies are left assuming that help is on it's way...
Here is a tip....don't hold your breath.  Nobody advocates for your child and your family.  YOU are the only one who can.  Do not wrongly assume that "they" send out the Autism support team, to help you through the process.  You are left stumbling and fumbling your way through this obstacle course of steps to get your child the help he or she needs.  My imaginary "team" has yet to show up to help my son. 
Instead I am calling and calling and hoping and praying and cussing through these tedious steps that seem to be getting me no where.  Between his school, who disagreed with his medical diagnosis from over 2 years ago, but are finally in THAT long process of getting his educational Autism diagnosis, the community health in my area, which is like pushing a chain....and his pediatrician who treat our many questions as if we can wait indefinitely for help.  How long do we have to wait until his needs are important to these people who obviously pretend that he is a priority?  DO I have to come in raving like a lunatic, DEMANDING what we need?  Call twenty times a day for a damned referral so my son can see a doctor who can prescribe him something to make his life better? 
Poor kid screams many hours a day, flips back and forth from Laughing hysterically to punching his sister in her face, to sobbing uncontrollably, to acting as if nothing happened.  His anxiety and meltdowns are terrible on him, his raw throat, headaches, digestive problems, and not to mention the stress it puts on the family. 
Who do you turn to for actual HELP in Michigan, especially rural north-east area? 
How loud do I have to scream for someone to help my son?  Do I go in their office and have ME a meltdown to get my point across? Are we really truly left with no guidance from all these supposedly caring individuals who claim to have my son's best interest at heart. 
No wonder we parents of special need children are so depressed and keep to ourselves. 

I am NOT one tough cookie....

It is common knowledge that life is short, and you never know when it is your time to go.  I believe in the practice of taking nothing for granted and being grateful for what you have.  My husband is considerably older than I am, thirty years older and many would say, "What do I expect marrying an older man?". He is most likely going to be leaving us before I do, so why would I be surprised if he does?  I knew this when I went into this marriage, but I told someone once who asked me "What I expected from getting into a relationship with a much older man?",specifically this one.  I simply said that I will take whatever time I am lucky enough to have with him.  But as we are comfortable with life's daily ongoings and we have a child together who simply adores her father, I forget those words of being happy for whatever time I am lucky enough to have.  Dang it, I want to be selfish and keep him forever for my daughter to know him not have a hard time trying to remember his voice or his hugs of the way he loved all of us.  How would James understand where his Dad went and why he isn't there to teach him to fix things, how to love his momma or pass on his patience?  I think many times how will I survive it when this happens.  How will I keep the farm going, deal with never being able to replace what Don does and how in God's name will I live without my best friend?  I sob as I write this, eyes puffed with tears nearly unable to make out the words I type, sick with the thought it may be sooner than later. 
He has been diagnosed with COPD, in the last few years he has come down with pneumonia and recently the doctor took a follow up x-ray to make sure he was cleared up and then those showed something not right, so they ordered a cat-scan and now this morning they made an appointment to speak to him about the results of the cat-scan.  So of course I am sick with worry, sick to my stomach, that they found something bad. I act as if it is no big deal to him, I tell him that we would rather know if something is wrong than not know.  But I am lying. I am a big fat faker.  I am not strong or tough at all right now. I don't want to show him how terrified I am.  I want him to think that I am strong, that I can deal with anything, including him being sick, including losing him.  I don't want him to worry about how much it would kill us inside. But the truth is how could I deal with it alone?  How could live without him, seeing him in every inch of the farm, in my daughters eyes?  My children deserve more time with him, his grand kids deserve more time with him, he deserves some more time with them.  He also deserves to have some peace, maybe a little time to do what he wants besides work everyday.  So here I am crying a river of doom and gloom, when all I can think is the worst. Trying to get all my crying out before he gets home and allow me to build up some fake,"It will be okay, Honey." show for him when he goes to find out what the cat-scan showed on Monday. Truly I really am an optimist,just not when it comes to something this important. I meant what I vowed, for better or worse, in sickness and health and until death does us apart.  I just hope and pray and beg and want to demand that everything is okay. 

County Fair Week

The county fair is coming to a close tonite and I must say that I am happy to see it end.  My daughter improved from last year, her pig placed higher than rock bottom and she learned how to show a pig correctly as the judge awarded her Grand Champion Junior Showmanship.  A considerable difference from the years past were she repeatedly lost the pig in the arena running wildly with the other pigs and one time never heard the judge trying to attract her attention to speak to her because her eyes were glued to her pigs rooting nose.  She smiled, tapped the pig in all the right places as gently as can be and never ran after her or used her knees which awarded her a nice banner and pretty ribbon. 
We only had one thievery incident which transpired on the night of the Livestock Auction, where we were accused of stealing our very own pig cane, that has been missing since show day and  which someone thought they would like it as it is a brand spanking new one.  Only problem it was ours and we wanted it back.  After being mobbed by angry, guilty thieves we told them to just keep it because they obviously needed it more as they insisted repeatedly that it was theirs.  Strangely long after everyone had dispersed and the barns were quiet a exact replica of the cane for which we were still missing and for which they insisted rudely was theirs, mysteriously showed back up hanging above my daughters hog pen.  Someone must of made a mistake and owes my daughter an apology.  Doubt we will ever get it, but no we know what sort of people we are attending fair with.
Lesson learned?  Make sure you mark everything with your name or someone may like it more than you and accuse you of stealing something that is actually yours when you retrieve it. 

Way to go Grand Champion Junior Showmanship!

My daughter selling her pig at the auction

My daughter the Diva enjoying some ice cream

Young lady and her market steer

Youth riding gymkhana events

Youth flat track racing

Winner of Cow Pie Bingo

Dragging a almost 2 year old diva in training, who has picked up the art of imitating her autistic almost 5 year old brother is a cause to want to refrain from hanging up at the fair for longer than necessary.  My patience is no longer in service this week.  But do not worry as the piggies are graciously taken care of by the hubby's daughter and son in law or granddaughter or grandson.  Thanks a million guys!

Less than amateur birdwatcher

There is this little bird outside our windows every morning singing the most beautiful song.  I am at a loss as to what kind he or she is and would like to know.  Rarely I will see it on the finch feeders eating thistle seed, but it is the name of it for which I long to know.  I have searched the online directories for comparable pictures but have not found a match.  It's song is long and drawn out and has many different notes it hits.  Such a unique melody I have never heard before now.  I usually only see one, never two or more together.  I guess it is just something that will nag at me if I don't find out.  If you happen to know, feel free to comment.

My Yahoo Group for Dairy Farm Wives

My Husband with all three children coming back from chopping a few loads of hay. 

Are you the wife of a farmer?  I am the wife of a dairy farmer and I felt the need to create a place for wives of all the types of agricultural production to connect with other women who understand the trials and tribulations and the immmense rewards that this way of life can either bring to your family as a hardship or a blessing or a strange combination of both.  Feel free to join and perhaps as time helps me to grow and blossom this group, it can expand into other social medias such as Facebook.  Please follow the link below and join to make it your own. 


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dairyfarmwives/

Never-Ending Repairs

 It is unbelievably amazing at how much needs to be constantly tweaked, replaced, rebuilt or cleverly repaired on a farm. Tires go flat, bearings gears and seals need replaced, knives need sharpening, changing oils, greasing the moving parts, all in the name of maintenance and repair. It can keep a man or two busy, just trying to keep everything running and moving.
We had finally ordered new knives and baffles for the forage chopper, they were LONG overdue and when they finally came UPS, there was a little more than usual free time to get it put back together.
Working on getting the hay cut was on hold because of a little mishap trying to get some horse/dry cow hay cut.  Being small in an area of bigger farms who will pay so much more than we can afford for rental land causes us to basically take what is left for land and they are usually small parcels.  So we planned on working to get the baling hay out of the way while the forage chopper was out of commission waiting for replacement knives. 
So Don, set out with James and went to cut the hay and a round or so later the disc mower conditioner started to make a horrible racket, and meanwhile Don turned to look back to see what was happening, never stopped and ran over a small plow hidden in the tall hay.  Beet juice sprayed all over signaling a blown large rear tractor tire. 

BIG GIGANTIC CRAP O LA.

$1,860 dollars later the tire is fixed and now it will be the same amount for discbine parts, no labor costs included as the guys do the work themselves. 
Don ended up buying back the old haybine he bought new in 1974.  Ugly as sin, but the hay is getting cut. 

On a good note.....the chopper is running amazing.