Sometimes I wonder to myself, Am I crazy??? Trying to go back to college while taking care of these children. There are some days when I never stop cleaning, changing diapers, breaking up fights, feeding something or someone,laundry, dishes, etc.....This is admist a large amount of unnessasary and random screaming, the kind of ear-piercing noise that makes your ears ring and you wonder how does one little boy make such a noise and not go hoarse? I am also trying to continuing listing on ebay, which is beginning to help pay some bills, during all this hub-bub. It does not leave much if any time to help at the farm, read any books for recreation or spend quality time with another adult.
I love learning! Call me a nerd or bookworm or geek, whatever, I love filling up my brain with knowledge. I also get a gigantic personal buzz off of being on the Deans list or on the President's list. Kinda tells the world,"See, this crazy, overwhelmed mother can do it, so can you!"
13 credit hours, thankfully all online, a full class load as required so that I can receive student loans that helps to pay the bills. Otherwise I would just take a class or two at a time, reducing the amount of self inflicted stress....
Someday my family will benefit from all the late nights I see in my near future...
Raising children with special needs, specifically Autism. Blessed stay at home farm wife loving our small dairy farm and capturing as much as possible through the lens of my camera
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Stress
Everyone is exposed to some sort of stress in their life. How they deal with it, how much they let it affect them and ways they try to alleviate it differs from person to person.
It seems I like to take on too many things upon my plate, therefore increasing my probability of stress. Three children, one under a year, my almost 4 year old son, supposedly on the spectrum of autism, a 12 year old daughter who can not process the sound of my voice through her ears. Pretty sure she is allergic to my voice.....
In January of 2008, my boss, trying to save a buck or two, put me on a layoff. I was managing the resturant/bar, my boss's job was eliminated from his company and therefore he was going to do my job and save the money he paid me. It was time for me to make a change. In my personal life as well as my career path. My job was DEAD-END, all that was missing was the tell-tale dead-end sign. My now ex-boyfriend was leaving, he just didn't know it at the time. So I pushed him out the door, began to receive unemployment benefits and took a emormous leap of faith and began the most important relationship of my life with my best friend.
I had never been able to stay at home with my first daughter and I had to bring my son with me when I worked my manager job. So this is a whole different world. I felt that I needed to return to college and finish what I had not when I was pregnant with my daughter 12 years ago. I had to do something with my "Time off", so I felt attending college online would fit into my schedule. Plus the student loans help through this tough time. By the summer of 2009 my youngest daughter is born and I am wondering what I was thinking about fitting this college stuff into my overwhelming schedule.
My son is not yet three and showing what we know now as Autism, but we were puzzled at all of his strange behaviors, obsessive tendancies, lack of toliet training, and almost unbearable meltdowns. I was sure that I was going to go crazy and have a meltdown myself.
Added to all these normal mom duties and daily household chores, I was helping my boyfriend at his dairy farm by relief milking, herd health records and bill paying. He had filed for bankrupcty due to his divorce and his debt had been reorganized so that he could pay his bills in the aftermath of the long court battle with his divorce and that added paperwork as he needed to report monthly to the court.
It may seem as if I am complaining a bit...maybe a little,but I am actually truly blessed even with all of my chaos in life. Could do without the greying hair and lack of sleep. I really do appreciate all that I have been given. I have three beautiful children, I am in love and sharing my life with my best friend. It is said that anything in life of any worth doesn't come easy. I believe in that....
It seems I like to take on too many things upon my plate, therefore increasing my probability of stress. Three children, one under a year, my almost 4 year old son, supposedly on the spectrum of autism, a 12 year old daughter who can not process the sound of my voice through her ears. Pretty sure she is allergic to my voice.....
In January of 2008, my boss, trying to save a buck or two, put me on a layoff. I was managing the resturant/bar, my boss's job was eliminated from his company and therefore he was going to do my job and save the money he paid me. It was time for me to make a change. In my personal life as well as my career path. My job was DEAD-END, all that was missing was the tell-tale dead-end sign. My now ex-boyfriend was leaving, he just didn't know it at the time. So I pushed him out the door, began to receive unemployment benefits and took a emormous leap of faith and began the most important relationship of my life with my best friend.
I had never been able to stay at home with my first daughter and I had to bring my son with me when I worked my manager job. So this is a whole different world. I felt that I needed to return to college and finish what I had not when I was pregnant with my daughter 12 years ago. I had to do something with my "Time off", so I felt attending college online would fit into my schedule. Plus the student loans help through this tough time. By the summer of 2009 my youngest daughter is born and I am wondering what I was thinking about fitting this college stuff into my overwhelming schedule.
My son is not yet three and showing what we know now as Autism, but we were puzzled at all of his strange behaviors, obsessive tendancies, lack of toliet training, and almost unbearable meltdowns. I was sure that I was going to go crazy and have a meltdown myself.
Added to all these normal mom duties and daily household chores, I was helping my boyfriend at his dairy farm by relief milking, herd health records and bill paying. He had filed for bankrupcty due to his divorce and his debt had been reorganized so that he could pay his bills in the aftermath of the long court battle with his divorce and that added paperwork as he needed to report monthly to the court.
It may seem as if I am complaining a bit...maybe a little,but I am actually truly blessed even with all of my chaos in life. Could do without the greying hair and lack of sleep. I really do appreciate all that I have been given. I have three beautiful children, I am in love and sharing my life with my best friend. It is said that anything in life of any worth doesn't come easy. I believe in that....
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